**The Lonesome Star**

Name: liaoweishan (shawn)
School: nyp
Age: 20
Birthday: 22 dec

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Monday, August 27, 2007

falling stars??

When we were in france...u were the taker and i am the caregiver...i did many things just to please u...ur unresonable demands...now back in singapore...i no longer wan to be the caregiver..its too tiring...resentment and anger has clouded my vision...how am i suppose to catch the falling stars...i am equally sad to say those things yesterday...but i am left with no choice...

~}Dreaming of you @ {6:53 PM}


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relationship

Healing Co-Dependent Relationships
Relationship counsellors will tell you that the most common relationship dynamic they encounter is that of the co-dependent taker/caretaker.
Takers are people who tend to be self-centred, with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that "you are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay".
Caretakers, conversely, operate from the belief that "I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receive the approval I need".Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care of the needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love; in other words, they give to get.
Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and wellbeing. They often end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged. The problem is that takers and caretakers naturally find each other because of their need to feed on each others' weaknesses.
So if you're in a taker/caretaker relationship, what can you do to heal it?
Well, relationships heal when individuals heal. When each partner works on reducing their own selfish needs, their relationship system heals. When each person learns to take full personal responsibility for his or her own feelings of pain and joy, they stop pulling on each other and blaming each other. When each person learns to fill themselves with love and share that love with each other, instead of always trying to get love, the relationship heals.
Learning how to take responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and being open to learning about what you are doing to create your own feelings, instead of being a victim and believing that others are causing your feelings. Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and others, from what you tell yourself and what you believe about yourself and others, rather than from others behaviour. Blaming others for your feelings will always lead to major relationship problems.
Why not start today by taking your eyes off your partner and putting them squarely on yourself? In reality, you are the only one you actually have control over. You are the only one you can change. Only when you change will the relationship get better.

Our relationship is currently in this situation...maybe we shld never been together...but as promise i will give u the last chance...however...i hope u know wat to do...

~}Dreaming of you @ {6:23 PM}


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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

LIFESTYLE!!

life has always been a bit of hectic for mi...aiya..really wan to slow things down but sometimes it just dun happen the way u wan it to be...been working for almost 3 mth le..and offically going to army on the 13 of sep...i think i had lost the letter...this time die liao...i am going to search for it...if i cant find it...how am i going to know where and wat time to report...lol....

i really hope my dad would be more daring and take his business to greater heights...so that we would be richer and would not be looked down...been living poor throughout most of my life and it starting to get better...i alway tried to search for coffeeshop for my dad...but the thing is my dad is rather conservative...he dun wanna take on huge risk....on second thought..i guess i know wat is he thinking...he dun wan a situation whereby he fail his business and left with nth...as we are still schooling...remaining in the current situation(if nth happens)...we would have most of the basic needs and of course wont be v rich too...and also one thing is my dad really worked too hard...he slog for long working hrs just to provide for us...sometimes i wonder when his hard work would be paid off...haizz...life is really tough...lol....

as for myself..i had tried to help in anyway i can...i do sympathies with him for working so hard....i also promise him i would study hard so as to make him proud...and no matter wat will happen to my dad investment, i would still support him...

some ppl are just born with a silver spoon but as for my family..or rather my dad...he fight his way out for a living...i seriouslypray that god would be fair...give him his fair share for his hard work...

~}Dreaming of you @ {10:51 PM}


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Friday, June 22, 2007

The Koi, The Bluefish And The Atlantic Salmon

Until today, who you are has been shaped mainly by other people – your family, teachers, friends, and culture. From today, who you will become will be shaped by the choices you make.

I see three paths ahead of you – those of the Koi, the Bluefish and the Atlantic Salmon.

1. The koi

Of all the fishes in the world, the Koi has the most comfortable life. When young, it is carefully selected and bred for its beauty. It then spends its entire life in a sheltered environment, living in order to be admired by others. The Koi is also fragile – change the water by a bit, and the Koi perishes. People who are like the Koi play it safe and do not venture out; they thrive in the established system.

2. The bluefish

Some years ago, I went deep sea fishing in the Atlantic Ocean. I caught a bluefish. It was not a large fish, yet it put up a strong fight. And when I reached inside its mouth to take out the hook, it bit right through my thick gloves into my finger, almost biting it off. The captain said to me: "You must be a first-timer at ocean fishing. Ocean fishes like the bluefish are tough and fierce. Have you been fishing only in small ponds?"
People who are like the Bluefish take risks and embrace life, seizing the abundant opportunities of the vast ocean. While others are exhausted by a changing environment, Bluefish types thrive in it. This is the path of the worldly Bluefish. Home can be anywhere – and perhaps, nowhere.

3. the atlantic salmon.

There is the path of the Atlantic Salmon. Born in freshwater streams, it heads out to the open seas in young adulthood. After maturing in the ocean, the Atlantic Salmon returns to where it was born, to breed, and then heads out again. It makes this journey between its home and the open sea several times over its lifetime.
People who are like the Atlantic Salmon are at ease moving between the old and the new, between the familiar and the unfamiliar, between what is comfortable and what is challenging. While they seize opportunities to grow in the global arena, they understand the true meaning of home. Home is not just anywhere. Home is where the heart is. Home is about identification and commitment, about family and nation.

~}Dreaming of you @ {12:12 AM}


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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

army life!!!

looking back, wa...finally i am almost 12 yrs old...maturing into an adult soon liao...going to face the reality of the cruel working society...but it will be 5 or 6 yrs down the road as i will be going to NS on sep 13 2007 and later going to pursue an degree in business(accountancy) in NUS...finally...my dream of going into an local uni has been realised...but still quite skeptical on going to an local uni...cause in terms of worldwide recongition, it still may not be as gd as those aus uni...moreover...i am going to take more yrs to complete my degree as compared to my peers...lol....this is so ironic...haizz...well..going into a local uni has its advantages too...like going into a local firm would be easier for mi..perhaps..but still if i dun get a gd degree or honours...it would defeat the purpose...and i dun think my biz course in NUS has a direct honours programme...so in order to get into an honours..i will have to do extremely welll..which means another few yrs of hard for mi to go through..haizzz...another few yrs of hardship before i step into the real world...

remembering how badly i did for my first sem scoring a gpa of 2.9...luckily...i manage to push my gpa up to 3.5 in 2 yrs..last sem not counted as i was in france and my gpa remained stagnant...really went through a lot to get it....and of course i am glad to be marginally pushed into the diploma with merit name list...i was considered really lucky...the list came out when i was in france and i din see my name...they put it in last min...was really a close shave...lol...all those hard work i put in gain mi a min on staGE...how pathetic right...seriously...i always think that is those hard work worth it...knowing that i sacrifice so many things...but still i did learn a lot...

my dad say something contridicting recently...lol...he say even with a lot of money...but if u r not happy...and dun have a happy family...its still not complete...he say take things easily...lol..he would actually say that to mi???he was the one telling mi not to submit to fate...everything i want muz work hard to earn it and i will get it...now he is really making mi confused...but i guess i muz be strong...as compeitition drove mi to wat i become of....i love compeitition....without them...i will really slack down..i know it...so i need compeitition...as i can win in it...without compeitition..life is boring...but compeitition brings stress...and may cause my love ones to be unhappy...haizz..dunno wat to do man.....ahahaz

finally...i hhave decided to go for the graduation ceremony...lol...i seriously dunnno who i still recognise when i go for the ceremony....i dun have muxh friends in NYP also...lol..watever la..go liao then say....ahahaz....

~}Dreaming of you @ {8:51 PM}


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Monday, June 18, 2007

diploma with merit

finally, i received a letter indicating that i have got my doploma with merit...then i decided to blog....ahahaz...also it also made my my mind to go for the graduation ceremony...lol...thinking back, i remembered how sad i was to not receive the award when i check the DWM list when i was in france....

my hard work has finally paid off...so many yrs of hard hard only allows mi to stand on the stage for 1 pathetic min...sometimes dun really know whether it is worth working for a not??but luckily..i manage to enter into a local university, NUS...althought it is not my top choice, but still at least is better than nth...lol...

okok..i go hm then blog a better one...later kanna catch by supervisors gone liao..lol..

~}Dreaming of you @ {10:41 PM}


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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

blogging

aiyo...haven been blogging for such a long time man...ahahaz....yes man...exams are done here...but the results will be out only end of may...effectively...i wont be able to graduate till june...dunno whether i be in time for the graduation ceremony...but who care...anyway...i am not some student with diploma with merit...it shames mi to go there man...so i am not going anyway...

woosh....now in liverpool...tomolo gonna visit liverpool football club...aahhaz...going back tomolo...this trip last the seven days and this are the highlights of those cities i have visited..

France- NICE, Antibes, Monaco,Paris( this is a little less, cause its damm expensive)
Germany- cologne(it the cheapest city in europe i ever visited, went to the chocolate museum and FUNFAIR...lol...)
Belgium- brussel(i think i dint do much..just catch a movie there...slept in the street and piss against a church and it legalize ok...oh ya..ate one free dinner..ran after the dinner..lol)
Netherland- Amsterdam(it a SIN city..live sex show, sex museum,prostitutes legalize and damm pretty, drugs legalize with space cake and weed but i never try drugs man...but i friend tried it..lol...weed is nth special at all..just like smoking..took photo with two choi bu)
Italy- Venice, Rome, milian( i did nth at milian cause it only a transit...rome wass nice with the colossum where the gladiators fought...venice was nice though and the only thing i remembered was sleeping in the streets anyway)

one thing i notice is that the beer in europe is cheaper than coke and other spirit drinks...overall...amsterdam is the best place to have fun man..lol..all the sins are legalize...cologne is the place where u can spend a little less and retire at britain...its nice...and things are affordable too..as compared to europe...eg kfc is 4 pound and its cheaper than europe...

with this i shall end my blogging session...see u guys in singapore...my last destination will be paris for a day..i will reach paris on 27 april and fly to singapore on 28 april...touch down in singapore on 29 april..

~}Dreaming of you @ {1:07 PM}


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Monday, April 02, 2007

sch!!!

woosh...finally finish 5 out of 6 papers liao...finally feel that i am a free man...ahahaz...gonna plan my trip to geneva now..and one more thing....i really lost so much when i come here man..so wat did i actually lost man...

1. money...i waste so much money on unneccesary things.
2. it blown my chance of entering into uni as i haven graduate
3. i cannot go for interview for NUS
4. i lost my only chance to get a diploma of merit
5. i might have got a car from my dad

dammm...all this stupid things that i lost are v important to mi and my future...really regretted coming here....

~}Dreaming of you @ {2:59 AM}


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