wishing upon the stars

Monday, October 16, 2006

kayaking

so the craze in me is about kayaking course now...been for star one course and now its star two...it was a really tough thing to peddle all the way into the deep sea...i was totally exhausted when i reached home...i got to complete star two hopefully...so that i can go on an expeidition with my friends...though it is tough but it an good exercise and it can really get mi tan...coolz man...but muzz wear clothes with sleeves during my training...therefore i got two colours on my arm...that gross...ahahaz...

oh...dunno that good new or wat...but probably my departure for NICE is scheduled earlier...cause there no flight on jan anymore...according to my teacher...miss ho....so i gonna leave in dec...i still haven book my tickets....i also dunno wat to do...too lazy to do it..had i known its so troublesome...i would not have opt to go....

many many weeks i have last contact her....i am so busy with my kayaking and my weight losing programme...actually i am not busy la...ahahaz...how i hope i can be a computer...so i can erase her off my mind when i am alone...but i really did well...i controlled myself....i guess she be happy tooo...

~}Dreaming of you @ {5:35 PM}

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Thursday, October 05, 2006

thur!!!

while writing this blog, i think i am seriously sick and whole body is damm wobbly...life is ironic for mi...i have always been living a life that is not what i want...i am in control of others....

other ppl look at mi enviously...thinking i am a hardworking student....looks are average...middle income family and have not much worries about money...but actually, my life is sad...for years...i been workiing so hard like my dad...actually i seldom have dinner with my family....almost once a week...due to my hectic schedule in working and entertaining my friends...my dad also...he so busy working up his business that he kind of neglect everyone...including mi and my bro.....

i study accountancy...is that my passion???i heard from my teacher that u muz pursue something that u like...but y did i pursue an accountancy cert??to be an accountant...well...actually i also dunno whether i like accountacy but i pursue it cause it has good prospect and it is a qualified profession...sometimes i really wonder my route is blinded by money...but everyone is working so hard for money...i study so hard...fortunately, my results are not that bad...i got no choice but to push myself....and with this, i neglected everything else...my mum...i always lose my temper at her...criticize her for not being capable enough...i suan my bro for being stupid...study ITE...am i right to do this??have i been too proud by my achievement...my dad tell mi once u fall from that height and i will know...will i fall??

my dad...
i was born from a low income family...cause my parent are not that well educated...so i push myself to study hard...so as not to disappoint my parents....we upgraded from a three room to a five room...now with our lifestyle improving and cashflow are more liquid...my dad has been looking for a terrace...i was wondering if he is right...he told mi...once u r up there, it is hard to come down....wondering if he is doing the right thing....

love...
i always wonder y i fail in my relationship...my friend told mi that i uses my brain and not my heart...i do agree with him somehow...i been too realistic....fine...that my fault...my dad even told mi something....he say marry a capable or rich wife...y??so not can help each other or rather (make use) of each other...love was supposed to be felt by one heart and not playing politics??am i right??however.. my dad was just joking and somehow i do agree with him...that y i say i am realistic...i also know y my relationship always fail....i know i muz change that...give mi time...

study...
to name all the reason y i have been studying so hard...
1. to win a person i detest
2.to earn money and power in working world
3.to bring honour to my family
4. not to let my friends and cousin look down on mi

to pursue all these i have actually neglect many things...anger drove mi to do things that i should not do...if i am going to let anger control mi...i may win him...but when will i ever be happy...i win him in studies...so wat??he is still better than mi in many areas...at least he got a loving gf...i dun have...i dunno what i am struggling for??

i lost far too many things...i never ask my bro how he felt...y he dun wan to study..all i know is tell him he lousy...dun talk to him...critisize him that he is useless and throw my face...should i be doing that??i tell my mum she lousy...scold her...been a unfilial son...whenever she claims credit for bringing mi up..i reprimand her for being useless...not being able to earn enough money...should everything be caculated in monetary terms??maybe i did that and that is the reason for mi not able to live a life like a normal person and neglect and worsen my relationship with my family....

actually i am proud of ivan...he is happy with watever he has done...even to stay in a HDB flat with his family next time he is happy...he does not have high hopes...all he hope for is a simple life...great for him...i think i better reflect on myself....my dad too...he work day and night and dun even knows what is happening in the household...he did earn enough money to improve his life...but i know he lost far too much things...he lost my bro...their relationship has not been on talking terms...haizz...my toubled family..mi and my bro also not on talking terms for many years already...cause i keep looking down at him....

~}Dreaming of you @ {2:53 AM}

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