shawn

falling stars??

2007-08-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

When we were in france...u were the taker and i am the caregiver...i did many things just to please u...ur unresonable demands...now back in singapore...i no longer wan to be the caregiver..its too tiring...resentment and anger has clouded my vision...how am i suppose to catch the falling stars...i am equally sad to say those things yesterday...but i am left with no choice...

relationship

2007-08-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

Healing Co-Dependent Relationships
Relationship counsellors will tell you that the most common relationship dynamic they encounter is that of the co-dependent taker/caretaker.
Takers are people who tend to be self-centred, with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that "you are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay".
Caretakers, conversely, operate from the belief that "I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receive the approval I need".Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care of the needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love; in other words, they give to get.
Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and wellbeing. They often end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged. The problem is that takers and caretakers naturally find each other because of their need to feed on each others' weaknesses.
So if you're in a taker/caretaker relationship, what can you do to heal it?
Well, relationships heal when individuals heal. When each partner works on reducing their own selfish needs, their relationship system heals. When each person learns to take full personal responsibility for his or her own feelings of pain and joy, they stop pulling on each other and blaming each other. When each person learns to fill themselves with love and share that love with each other, instead of always trying to get love, the relationship heals.
Learning how to take responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and being open to learning about what you are doing to create your own feelings, instead of being a victim and believing that others are causing your feelings. Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and others, from what you tell yourself and what you believe about yourself and others, rather than from others behaviour. Blaming others for your feelings will always lead to major relationship problems.
Why not start today by taking your eyes off your partner and putting them squarely on yourself? In reality, you are the only one you actually have control over. You are the only one you can change. Only when you change will the relationship get better.

Our relationship is currently in this situation...maybe we shld never been together...but as promise i will give u the last chance...however...i hope u know wat to do...

LIFESTYLE!!

2007-08-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

life has always been a bit of hectic for mi...aiya..really wan to slow things down but sometimes it just dun happen the way u wan it to be...been working for almost 3 mth le..and offically going to army on the 13 of sep...i think i had lost the letter...this time die liao...i am going to search for it...if i cant find it...how am i going to know where and wat time to report...lol....

i really hope my dad would be more daring and take his business to greater heights...so that we would be richer and would not be looked down...been living poor throughout most of my life and it starting to get better...i alway tried to search for coffeeshop for my dad...but the thing is my dad is rather conservative...he dun wanna take on huge risk....on second thought..i guess i know wat is he thinking...he dun wan a situation whereby he fail his business and left with nth...as we are still schooling...remaining in the current situation(if nth happens)...we would have most of the basic needs and of course wont be v rich too...and also one thing is my dad really worked too hard...he slog for long working hrs just to provide for us...sometimes i wonder when his hard work would be paid off...haizz...life is really tough...lol....

as for myself..i had tried to help in anyway i can...i do sympathies with him for working so hard....i also promise him i would study hard so as to make him proud...and no matter wat will happen to my dad investment, i would still support him...

some ppl are just born with a silver spoon but as for my family..or rather my dad...he fight his way out for a living...i seriouslypray that god would be fair...give him his fair share for his hard work...

The Koi, The Bluefish And The Atlantic Salmon

2007-06-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

Until today, who you are has been shaped mainly by other people – your family, teachers, friends, and culture. From today, who you will become will be shaped by the choices you make.

I see three paths ahead of you – those of the Koi, the Bluefish and the Atlantic Salmon.

1. The koi

Of all the fishes in the world, the Koi has the most comfortable life. When young, it is carefully selected and bred for its beauty. It then spends its entire life in a sheltered environment, living in order to be admired by others. The Koi is also fragile – change the water by a bit, and the Koi perishes. People who are like the Koi play it safe and do not venture out; they thrive in the established system.

2. The bluefish

Some years ago, I went deep sea fishing in the Atlantic Ocean. I caught a bluefish. It was not a large fish, yet it put up a strong fight. And when I reached inside its mouth to take out the hook, it bit right through my thick gloves into my finger, almost biting it off. The captain said to me: "You must be a first-timer at ocean fishing. Ocean fishes like the bluefish are tough and fierce. Have you been fishing only in small ponds?"
People who are like the Bluefish take risks and embrace life, seizing the abundant opportunities of the vast ocean. While others are exhausted by a changing environment, Bluefish types thrive in it. This is the path of the worldly Bluefish. Home can be anywhere – and perhaps, nowhere.

3. the atlantic salmon.

There is the path of the Atlantic Salmon. Born in freshwater streams, it heads out to the open seas in young adulthood. After maturing in the ocean, the Atlantic Salmon returns to where it was born, to breed, and then heads out again. It makes this journey between its home and the open sea several times over its lifetime.
People who are like the Atlantic Salmon are at ease moving between the old and the new, between the familiar and the unfamiliar, between what is comfortable and what is challenging. While they seize opportunities to grow in the global arena, they understand the true meaning of home. Home is not just anywhere. Home is where the heart is. Home is about identification and commitment, about family and nation.

army life!!!

2007-06-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

looking back, wa...finally i am almost 12 yrs old...maturing into an adult soon liao...going to face the reality of the cruel working society...but it will be 5 or 6 yrs down the road as i will be going to NS on sep 13 2007 and later going to pursue an degree in business(accountancy) in NUS...finally...my dream of going into an local uni has been realised...but still quite skeptical on going to an local uni...cause in terms of worldwide recongition, it still may not be as gd as those aus uni...moreover...i am going to take more yrs to complete my degree as compared to my peers...lol....this is so ironic...haizz...well..going into a local uni has its advantages too...like going into a local firm would be easier for mi..perhaps..but still if i dun get a gd degree or honours...it would defeat the purpose...and i dun think my biz course in NUS has a direct honours programme...so in order to get into an honours..i will have to do extremely welll..which means another few yrs of hard for mi to go through..haizzz...another few yrs of hardship before i step into the real world...

remembering how badly i did for my first sem scoring a gpa of 2.9...luckily...i manage to push my gpa up to 3.5 in 2 yrs..last sem not counted as i was in france and my gpa remained stagnant...really went through a lot to get it....and of course i am glad to be marginally pushed into the diploma with merit name list...i was considered really lucky...the list came out when i was in france and i din see my name...they put it in last min...was really a close shave...lol...all those hard work i put in gain mi a min on staGE...how pathetic right...seriously...i always think that is those hard work worth it...knowing that i sacrifice so many things...but still i did learn a lot...

my dad say something contridicting recently...lol...he say even with a lot of money...but if u r not happy...and dun have a happy family...its still not complete...he say take things easily...lol..he would actually say that to mi???he was the one telling mi not to submit to fate...everything i want muz work hard to earn it and i will get it...now he is really making mi confused...but i guess i muz be strong...as compeitition drove mi to wat i become of....i love compeitition....without them...i will really slack down..i know it...so i need compeitition...as i can win in it...without compeitition..life is boring...but compeitition brings stress...and may cause my love ones to be unhappy...haizz..dunno wat to do man.....ahahaz

finally...i hhave decided to go for the graduation ceremony...lol...i seriously dunnno who i still recognise when i go for the ceremony....i dun have muxh friends in NYP also...lol..watever la..go liao then say....ahahaz....

diploma with merit

2007-06-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

finally, i received a letter indicating that i have got my doploma with merit...then i decided to blog....ahahaz...also it also made my my mind to go for the graduation ceremony...lol...thinking back, i remembered how sad i was to not receive the award when i check the DWM list when i was in france....

my hard work has finally paid off...so many yrs of hard hard only allows mi to stand on the stage for 1 pathetic min...sometimes dun really know whether it is worth working for a not??but luckily..i manage to enter into a local university, NUS...althought it is not my top choice, but still at least is better than nth...lol...

okok..i go hm then blog a better one...later kanna catch by supervisors gone liao..lol..

blogging

2007-04-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

aiyo...haven been blogging for such a long time man...ahahaz....yes man...exams are done here...but the results will be out only end of may...effectively...i wont be able to graduate till june...dunno whether i be in time for the graduation ceremony...but who care...anyway...i am not some student with diploma with merit...it shames mi to go there man...so i am not going anyway...

woosh....now in liverpool...tomolo gonna visit liverpool football club...aahhaz...going back tomolo...this trip last the seven days and this are the highlights of those cities i have visited..

France- NICE, Antibes, Monaco,Paris( this is a little less, cause its damm expensive)
Germany- cologne(it the cheapest city in europe i ever visited, went to the chocolate museum and FUNFAIR...lol...)
Belgium- brussel(i think i dint do much..just catch a movie there...slept in the street and piss against a church and it legalize ok...oh ya..ate one free dinner..ran after the dinner..lol)
Netherland- Amsterdam(it a SIN city..live sex show, sex museum,prostitutes legalize and damm pretty, drugs legalize with space cake and weed but i never try drugs man...but i friend tried it..lol...weed is nth special at all..just like smoking..took photo with two choi bu)
Italy- Venice, Rome, milian( i did nth at milian cause it only a transit...rome wass nice with the colossum where the gladiators fought...venice was nice though and the only thing i remembered was sleeping in the streets anyway)

one thing i notice is that the beer in europe is cheaper than coke and other spirit drinks...overall...amsterdam is the best place to have fun man..lol..all the sins are legalize...cologne is the place where u can spend a little less and retire at britain...its nice...and things are affordable too..as compared to europe...eg kfc is 4 pound and its cheaper than europe...

with this i shall end my blogging session...see u guys in singapore...my last destination will be paris for a day..i will reach paris on 27 april and fly to singapore on 28 april...touch down in singapore on 29 april..

sch!!!

2007-04-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

woosh...finally finish 5 out of 6 papers liao...finally feel that i am a free man...ahahaz...gonna plan my trip to geneva now..and one more thing....i really lost so much when i come here man..so wat did i actually lost man...

1. money...i waste so much money on unneccesary things.
2. it blown my chance of entering into uni as i haven graduate
3. i cannot go for interview for NUS
4. i lost my only chance to get a diploma of merit
5. i might have got a car from my dad

dammm...all this stupid things that i lost are v important to mi and my future...really regretted coming here....

france!!

2007-01-30T06:17:00.000-08:00

whoosh..talking at france its getting colder and colder...lessons as usual....and i think i more slack than in singapore...cause up till now i never really sit down for hrs and study my work...no tutorials to do also..that y i guess i am so slack...but if i do nth...i really feel so boring...that really bad....omg...then i resort to drinking again...lol...we every week at least drink once or twice...that really bad...i know...but i guess that liqour and beer here is much nice and more in varietythan in singapore...one of the beer i like most is call desporados...wa...it damm nice...it not bitter at all..unlike those in singapore...lol....i just love it...

went to monacco last sat....lol...it was like a dead town...but luckily the hotels and casinos were open....there got all the branded shopping gds girls can ever one...lol...all the famous and expensive brands are all there....lol..u can shop till u drop..they are all boutiques...one more thing...its a very small town with nth...except shopping and casino and beaches....i went to the musem and aquarium...it was so lame...lol..worst than the underwater world in singapore...but still...there is one thing one the roads...u see it every 10 mins or so....a lambo and ferarri will zoom past u...lol...y are the people so rich there...there are so many kinds of sports car...never seen it be4 by mi...lol...it really nice...lol...

anyway...my tolerance limit is over...i would not elaborate this further...only a few ppl know abt this..but the person who did this to mi is gonna get it...dammm....

sch term!!!

2007-01-19T02:15:00.000-08:00

lol...many ppl say how gd and fortunate am i to be in france...but...the problem here i am really stress over the subject over here...omg...the teacher is so damm ang moh....slang until i dunno what the hell is he toking about man...omgomg....some even got the frech slang...lol...how am i supposed to learn here...

moreover...the stupid NYP make us take six modules while exchange students from some good universtiy only took 4 modules..the thing is...how can we cope...we are not even in the uni level...and all the modules i am taking currently are all uni yr 3 modules...can u imagine that...it not yr 1 modules lei...yr 3...come on man...attend the lessons so stress man...first i muz listen to the lecturer and take a great deal of time to process what the hell they are toking abt...they they give mi those slang are like...wtf are u toking abt...

haizz...came here to suffer man..hu can understand my agony...i even email the lecturer to notify them the issues....and they never even reply mi...wth....damm la....

What a bad thing I did...

2007-01-12T04:30:00.001-08:00

Guess I did a terrible thing yesterday...was drunk again...lol...haizzz...I also dunno y am I drunk...guess its because I wanted to be drunk..but anyway...I did get drunk...my first time in france...consider break record ma...miss the fun with those EAI guys...sorry abt that...slept at around 9 pm according to chee hou...

I guess I did remember vaguely wat happen yesterday...and I really dun wan to talk abt it anymore...believe many ppl will look at mi from a different perspective...well...i am not always like this...first time I guess...I also think I had make some ppl angry...wanted to say sorry...but the words can never come out…I know myself..my pride too strong liao...i guess...ahahaz...

So let mi say it here...to everyone whom I have created trouble and misunderstanding...I am terribly sorry...

I also feel so bad too...i promise daddy I will behave myself and study hard...was wondering if I be able to do that...although my sch term haven officially start...but I know my mentality is not switch to study mood yet...the serious mi haven come out...haizzz...I got to switch to the serious and cold mi soon...pls let mi do that...I will do that...I will not fail my promise to daddy...I will do it...

Ppl who seriously was to change will never say it loudly...they use actions to prove it ....and ppl will realize it eventually...I will do it...definitely...

leverage!!!

2007-01-10T06:27:00.000-08:00

i got so bored in my apartment in NICE that i finally took up a book and read it...luckily i was well prepared...ahahaz...the book i was reading was this rich dad and poor dad...nice story but not all applicable in singapore...in the story the author always like to explain money and how to get rich by using this words leverage....i guess many of us have thought that fate will determined u whether u r super rich a not..a person may do well and earn a lot of money..but to him they are just on the affluent level..but not the super rich level...according to him...the super rich can earn at least 1 million a month from investment and real estate...this is wat he call passive and i dunno the other word liao...ahhaaz...but anyway..i am kindof amazed how he use words and science to explain the way to get rich...which many ppl says it only fate can decide it....WONDERING WAT MY FUTURE WOULD BE???

aiyo...my sch offically start on 15 of jan cause there is some delay....those seminars we are r supopsed to attend are all cancelled as there are not many ppl who r interested...well...it also means that we r going to have another week of holidays...ahahaz...so next mon then start sch...and my friend were suggesting that maybe we can go venice or milian to tour for 2 to 3 days....but...i got to be on budget le...i brought 1950 euro with mi and it is less than 250 now...omg...how did i spent??i just been overseas for 19 days only lei...siao liao...

this is some cock experience i have got and i am going to expain y relationship fails and y relationship can succeed....i always see most girls looking for those handsome guys and later cry cause they are being ditch and stuff like that...well...this also happen to guys too...but i am a guys and therefore will not talk abt it...i guess there are just being plain stupid as the handsome guy has more leverage than the girl...take an eg...a guy with a rating of 9 out of 10 with a gal with a rating of 4 out of 10....can this kind of relationship work out??the guy have tons of girls waiting to flirt with him...while the girl, i guess, haahaz, can only see the guy flirt with other girls...

but of course..there are exception..and i see it this way...the girl see the guy flirt and tolerate...still kind and gdd to the guy and therefore the guy either out of guilt or was touched by the girl continues to be with the girls...that the reason, i think so many couples that work out but yet have a difference in rating..ahahaz..

this is some nonsense i write since i am bored here and got nth to surf on the net...and therefore i wont say all my words here are true and it only up to u to believe it a not...ahahaz...see u my friends...

NICE!!

2007-01-05T06:18:00.000-08:00

great day to spent days in NICE...guess wat am i doing these days??ahahaz...actually nth much...everyday just eat liao then go shopping...after that joke around and go to sleep...oh ya...still got one more week be4 my sch offically start...aahahaz...my sch is gonna start on 15 of jan...there is no seminar due to the unpopularity of it....

one more thing...think i am really screwed up these time..ahahaz...was wondering y every girls are like that...jealous for nth...haizz...so sensitive to everything..ahahaz...thought everything was fine at first..later started to show cold shoulder...lol....i am still not bad lei..i did not lose my temper anyway....was wondering if i really had controlled my temper....

and whoever is this (......) pls admit and identify urself can...u create enough trouble for mi...i can take jokes and definetely wont blame u for it...but i guess it time to admit and tell hu u r!!!it basic thing to do ba..i guess...and dun anyhow fake ppl name can...u dunno how bad and how much harm it can bring to a person...

anyway...wanna dedicate this little section for yu xian...guess u r being too sensitive... i am in france and u r in china...i also cannot do anything right now if u dun believe mi...but i definetely hope u believe mi cause i am true to wat i say...but of course...u can choose not to believe it...do sms mi something to indicate something if u see this...but to emphasize again..i definetely did not bluff u...

to:matilda

2006-12-30T18:54:00.000-08:00

so shock that u actually came to my blog and tag de...thought u long forgotten my blog le...equally happy and touched that u still remember it...thanks a lot...do write me an email if u r free...

see u..

frankly..i know it hard to put it this way...but guess i still have to say..

i miss u...

hehe..

switzerland!!

2006-12-30T18:25:00.000-08:00

whhossshhh...switzerland is the one of the best country to travel i guess...i stay there for four to five days and travel to basel, grindewald,interlaken and zurich...all the places were like soooo sooo nice...

in interlaken, u can actually look at the village and behind the village is the mountains...oh ya...went to alps...saw snow for the first time...excluding the snow city in singapore....my friends and i went sledging...omg...that was so dangerours...no doubt the mountains were so god damm nice but the sledging was extremely dangerous....i think we all nearly died..ahahaz...i even injured my self...dammm....my chin was scratched....ahahaz...but still...its fun...

when i step into switzerland...i think the first place i went to is basel...well...i feel its totally different from paris...i feel happy and safe in switzerland...ahahaz..the ppl are sooo sooo kind...definetely different from singaporeans...

it was at night when we reach basel and we were searching for a hotel...the first person we spoke to was the swiss police...the actually explained to us where to go if we had the money and told us where is the tallest building in switzerland...but of course...we were on budget....we went searching for a cheap hotel...when we went in the hotel and the price is a bit steep..the person smile at us and recommmend us on where to go so as to get a cheaper hotel..can u believe that...think that unseen in singapore....and all the four night of accomodation we only spent 100 plus minus 10 buck per night for 3 person...it considered very cheap...

hotels to recommened
Basel---easyhotel
zurich---etap
interlaken--hua village
grindewald---a person house

and if u r thinking that if u reach swiss on ur own and afriad that there is no hotel...then ur worries is redundant.,..there have this kind of machine that has different grade of hotels and the tel there for u to call...they even tell u whether there is vancancy be4 u call...great!!!

i guess if u r looking for nature, then go grindewald as it is in the alps..u can see the mountains there...interlaken is the valley between the mountains...u can see the mountains right behind the village...

zurich is great...there are lot lots of things to see...

go switzerland first if u r planning on a trip to europe...trust mi..ahahaz..my friend who travel many of these europe countries also recommend switzerland...

paris

2006-12-21T09:16:00.000-08:00

oh...finally reach paris after a12 hr flight from thailand to paris...economy class really suks...my whole body all ache man...haven got a gd sleep...i reach here is morning...cannot sleep again...it 7 hrs be4 sg time...it is 6 plus now in paris...but in sg it already 1 am plus liao...so it means my birthday has come in sg liao....here dun think anyone know my birthday...anyway i also never tell them...dun wan to create attention and trouble matters...

interesting thing in the dorm that i am staying is the toliet bowl is spoilt and cannot be used...ahahaz...no public toliets avaliable except those restaurant...how am i going to survive man...awwwww....i live in this ulu district 17...paris is divided into 20 district...the best with lots of expensive cars are in district 1....but those blackies that would rob u at night are around district 17 plus...so u know how dangerous am i???omg...

anyway...paris isnt so great as wat u guys think...no multistorey shopping centres that i have expected....all buildings are not above 5 storeys...something like those geylang shophouses...mostly of them are...no coffeeshop...only cafe...that the simplest...things are also rather expensive...the roads system are horrendous....u would not wan to see how those cars park on their parallel parking...so near lor...confirm knock de...somemore the traffic lights can throw away better...the cars anyhow weave in and out...so many one way streets...really like geylang....

last...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF IN SINGAPORE.

MY BIRTHDAY IS TWO DAYS...CAUSE IN PARIS MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMOLO..AHAHAZ...

2006-12-14T07:13:00.000-08:00

25 Minutes ((MLTR))

2006-12-14T07:11:00.001-08:00

Take me to your heart

2006-12-14T07:11:00.000-08:00

Paint My Love ((MLTR))

leaving

2006-12-12T05:57:00.000-08:00

guess it gonna be over...i am leaving...tried so hard to be myself...so hard to feign ignorance the fact that i still like her...leaving had never been a wiser chioce for mi..i guess...

my wish for christmas and birthday is her to be happy...i sincerely wish her the best...let move on alone...

celebrating birthday overseas may be a very happy thing...but i dun think i am so happy about it...cause i wont be seeing my parents and best buddies...to add on...dun think my friends who go with mi know when is my birthday...lol...it ok...

bitterness and lonliness is wat i am feeling now...god...help mi...

intangibles

2006-11-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

wat are intangibles and tangibles assets?

i guess tangibles assets are those which i can feel and see with my own eyes while intangibles assets are wat u perceived, or rather how u feel about it.

eg of tangibles assets will be money, paper qualification and maybe looks.

intangibles asset will be goodwill and stuff. but one definite eg will be LOVE.

i can bet many couples had told their partners this wonderful " i love u" words. Actually i still dunno what values it contains cause i still haven experience it yet. I suppose it have different values in different ppl. this is because they perceived it differently.

i guess intangibles assets are aquired using the intangible way. y is this so??

Because to say " i love u" is through using ur mouth. U may say it, but do u mean it?

but still, intangibles assets are the most volatile assets in this world. Think again, when a guy tell a girl that like him "i love u", how much value has it brought to the girl. Probably even coca cola goodwill, which worth hundred of million would not be comparable. However, if u are stupid enough to tell girl that doesn't like u at all "i love u"....aahahaz...it's not worth even a penny.

So far, it only make sense to me that acquiring tangible assets is the right way to go!!!

LOL!!!

crapping my way through since i cannot sleep...

oh ya...today is my deadline...ahahaz...looks like i got to be a monk...

swinging!!

2006-11-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

women mood swing usually when they have period...so wat do i have??moody is the word to describe my feelings nowadays...have i been extremely quiet and extremely talkative suddenly??

yes...probably that wat i call mood swing!!!!

sk,bird and daron are offically attached...yes, of course i am happy for them...out of the four, i am the only one single....this is not call lonely...it call extreme loneliness...had i did to many evil things that i deserve this??

so y hasnt i got a gf??do i not look gd??not handsome enough??i did change my form of attire...i believe it did become better...my face i also cannot change unless i go for plastic surgery..lol...or am i very stingy??according to what i know...i spent more money on useless things than my friends...i usually treat girls that go on date with mi....am i not outstanding enough??i may not be the smartest guy in the sch...but i do ranked above the average..

so y haven i got a gf??funny??fair enough...i did not do my part to know enough girls...but isnt there any girls that admire mi??daron has so many...i dun look that bad ba...at least also a few ma??

talking about girls, i did like a girl...i dunno whether shld i tell her...but think again...the ans is a definite NO...lol...frm her sms it is so obvious that she does not like mi...it very obvious...better not confess...it like banging onto a wall..it be painful....

went out with desmond and company today...think gotto mix around with new friend too....lol...or else later no friends liao....des ask mi wat my wish...lol...

MY WISH IS TO HAVE A COMPANION, OR OTHER WORDS IT A GF!!!!

LOL!!!

LET THIS BE A VOW FROM MI!!!

I ACCEPT ANY GIRL THAT TELL MI THAT SHE LIKE MI!!

ONE WEEK STARTING FROM 24/11/06 (FRI)

SOUNDS RIDICULOUS??LOL!!!MY VOW!!!

kayaking

2006-10-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

so the craze in me is about kayaking course now...been for star one course and now its star two...it was a really tough thing to peddle all the way into the deep sea...i was totally exhausted when i reached home...i got to complete star two hopefully...so that i can go on an expeidition with my friends...though it is tough but it an good exercise and it can really get mi tan...coolz man...but muzz wear clothes with sleeves during my training...therefore i got two colours on my arm...that gross...ahahaz...

oh...dunno that good new or wat...but probably my departure for NICE is scheduled earlier...cause there no flight on jan anymore...according to my teacher...miss ho....so i gonna leave in dec...i still haven book my tickets....i also dunno wat to do...too lazy to do it..had i known its so troublesome...i would not have opt to go....

many many weeks i have last contact her....i am so busy with my kayaking and my weight losing programme...actually i am not busy la...ahahaz...how i hope i can be a computer...so i can erase her off my mind when i am alone...but i really did well...i controlled myself....i guess she be happy tooo...

thur!!!

2006-10-05T02:53:00.000-07:00

while writing this blog, i think i am seriously sick and whole body is damm wobbly...life is ironic for mi...i have always been living a life that is not what i want...i am in control of others....

other ppl look at mi enviously...thinking i am a hardworking student....looks are average...middle income family and have not much worries about money...but actually, my life is sad...for years...i been workiing so hard like my dad...actually i seldom have dinner with my family....almost once a week...due to my hectic schedule in working and entertaining my friends...my dad also...he so busy working up his business that he kind of neglect everyone...including mi and my bro.....

i study accountancy...is that my passion???i heard from my teacher that u muz pursue something that u like...but y did i pursue an accountancy cert??to be an accountant...well...actually i also dunno whether i like accountacy but i pursue it cause it has good prospect and it is a qualified profession...sometimes i really wonder my route is blinded by money...but everyone is working so hard for money...i study so hard...fortunately, my results are not that bad...i got no choice but to push myself....and with this, i neglected everything else...my mum...i always lose my temper at her...criticize her for not being capable enough...i suan my bro for being stupid...study ITE...am i right to do this??have i been too proud by my achievement...my dad tell mi once u fall from that height and i will know...will i fall??

my dad...
i was born from a low income family...cause my parent are not that well educated...so i push myself to study hard...so as not to disappoint my parents....we upgraded from a three room to a five room...now with our lifestyle improving and cashflow are more liquid...my dad has been looking for a terrace...i was wondering if he is right...he told mi...once u r up there, it is hard to come down....wondering if he is doing the right thing....

love...
i always wonder y i fail in my relationship...my friend told mi that i uses my brain and not my heart...i do agree with him somehow...i been too realistic....fine...that my fault...my dad even told mi something....he say marry a capable or rich wife...y??so not can help each other or rather (make use) of each other...love was supposed to be felt by one heart and not playing politics??am i right??however.. my dad was just joking and somehow i do agree with him...that y i say i am realistic...i also know y my relationship always fail....i know i muz change that...give mi time...

study...
to name all the reason y i have been studying so hard...
1. to win a person i detest
2.to earn money and power in working world
3.to bring honour to my family
4. not to let my friends and cousin look down on mi

to pursue all these i have actually neglect many things...anger drove mi to do things that i should not do...if i am going to let anger control mi...i may win him...but when will i ever be happy...i win him in studies...so wat??he is still better than mi in many areas...at least he got a loving gf...i dun have...i dunno what i am struggling for??

i lost far too many things...i never ask my bro how he felt...y he dun wan to study..all i know is tell him he lousy...dun talk to him...critisize him that he is useless and throw my face...should i be doing that??i tell my mum she lousy...scold her...been a unfilial son...whenever she claims credit for bringing mi up..i reprimand her for being useless...not being able to earn enough money...should everything be caculated in monetary terms??maybe i did that and that is the reason for mi not able to live a life like a normal person and neglect and worsen my relationship with my family....

actually i am proud of ivan...he is happy with watever he has done...even to stay in a HDB flat with his family next time he is happy...he does not have high hopes...all he hope for is a simple life...great for him...i think i better reflect on myself....my dad too...he work day and night and dun even knows what is happening in the household...he did earn enough money to improve his life...but i know he lost far too much things...he lost my bro...their relationship has not been on talking terms...haizz...my toubled family..mi and my bro also not on talking terms for many years already...cause i keep looking down at him....

thur!!!!

2006-09-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

went out with ash and daron yesterday and was being introduced two girls again...but sadly, i did not take their no...daron did anyway....went to KTV in bedok and finally bought my shoes on queenway shopping centre with daron and bird...lol...yesterday actually i did not intend to sing in there but i gave in the end...i usually dun sing cause my singing really sucks...ahahaz...cannot make it la....went to play pool after that and found that my pool skills suck too...ahahaz...

Bachelor club...

looks like it gonna lose one member....i also dunno what is jeric doing...promise to meet up on mon but could not even contact him...until today his hp is still off...mi and ash so scary meh...even if he is sad about his results, i guess shld be alright by now ba...but y still cannot contact him...haizz...dunno what he really wants....wanna make a outing with christina and him but could not get him...how to organise??

Maximum...

guess i have reach my maximum liao...been waiting for her for more than a yr liao...she still like that...her blog would never mention my name...she would rather mention other guys name but not mine...she never sms mi...even i sms her she would give the most cruel replies...y am i still waiting for her...enough is enough...i swear i am not going to be the one making the first move...NEVER EVER AGAIN!!!!!even it mean to delete her no i will....i will remain faithful to my single stautes and stay in my cosy bachelor club...

boring days!!!

2006-09-25T22:27:00.000-07:00

wa..si bei sianz lei...koazzzz....so bored...went out everyday...but still bored...i am bored...ahahaz....

oh ya...application to france has been sucessful...i am defintely going to NICE...the sch i am studying is cerum....wow...first time travelling so far...gd experience...mixed feelings...i take one step at a time ba...

last day in jun yuan sec!!!

2006-09-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

wat a sign of relief....whoosh...i feel gd...my last day in this horrible sec sch is finally over...this also mean that i am no longer a relief teacher...no need to act here and there le..ahahaz...coolzzz...however...due to money constraint, i would continue to call other schools...hopefully i can go over to a better sch...ahahaz...

oh well...yesterday was kind of sad...y always when i sms her she would either not reply or give a very super duper short reply....sometimes halfway she may even cut off any reply...i was pissed off yesterday...and i think i the last sms i sent her was a bit harsh...y has it got to turn out like this??

went to town in Lido to catch a movie with daron again...we watch the banquet...i dunno wat happen in the end and not so sure wat the whole movie was screening...but at the minimum level , i do know it is talking about a love story...the king who killed his bro and ursup the throne even married his bro wife...think he ursup the throne because of his bro wife...though ethically i think its terribly wrong to do so...i admire him....Y???he drank the posion wine his wife(also his bro wife) gave him...even he knows it a posion wine....this show how devoted he is to the beauty...anyway no one can resist zhang ziyi charm..she is gorgeous...i am willing to die for her too...ahahaz....well..love is great...

wat is the most poisonous poison- to mi is a women heart

my friend say that i got good results...yes...i admit this time i was surprise too that i have such results and i really did not expect it....after watching the banquet...this is wat i feel...yes...though i have gd results...though i better in certain aspect as compared to bernard and my friends...but wat the use...who do i share my happiness and sadness with??no one...i got nobody to share with...so wat if i am the best in my studies...richest guy in the world...like the king...he is willing to drink down the poison wine when he knew that the queen never loveed him before...even he did so many things for her....

take this for eg...not to bad mouth anyone...let say bernard results are far below mi and when his results are out..his gf gave him a hug and a kiss...never mind...u can do better next time and dun be too sad....while when i got my results i can only report to my parent and they nod their head and say ok!!!!to mi bernard is more fortunate than mi....

CAN HUMAN BEING HAVE NO EMOTIONS??NO LOVE??

love life!!

2006-09-20T03:29:00.000-07:00

the last blog i gonna post for today is the recap of my love life...Y do gals always say that it the heartless guy who broke my heart again??

i beg to differ from this statement...i only can say that these gals deserve that...y??

since sec 2..i like a gal...hmmm...but think i was rejected many time because i was ugly and was fat...yeahh...i was fat and ugly...i accepted it and it was ttrue...but if that gal would accept mi at that point in time...i truly believe that she will be happy...cause my feelings toward her were true...but the fact is that gals go for looks...u wan looks and faithfulness??got...1 in a thousand...and i hope those gal will have luck searching for it...so when a gal come crying to u and say my handsome bf has ditch mi for another pretty gal...ans her this....u shld have expected that when u r looking for a handsome bf....look at bird...he is not handsome but i can see he really treat his gf well...his gf is really contented...looking at them..i am happy for him but sad for myself...cause i am still lonely....

when i finish my O levels and succeed in my weight losing programme...i lost quite a lot...i would not say i look handsome at that point in time...but i was able to attract a few gals and was one the most popular among the 4 guys( bird, sk, daron and mi)...bird was the last and yet he is so happy with his gf....ahahaz...at that point of time..i really hate gals...i really wanted to play them out...i did not cherish those gals i have..ended up ditching and getting ditched....looking at that...i was really remorseful for wat i have done...i hope i had cherish the last gal i had...

with a twist of fate...sk and bird are happily with their gf...very stable and both parties are really contended...daron is now more popular with gals now...ahahaz...i am the loser now who has grown much fatter and ugly...i dunno how bad am i...but come to think of it...this is not a bad arrangement too...this shows if a gal like mi now she really like mi for who i am...not because i am good looking or watever....aahahaz...need that to console myself....

FRIENDS!!!
oh ya...bird recently introduced two gals to us that day....mi and daron i mean...hmmm...so mi and daron each take a no...bird tell mi that they are both good gals...but i still have no confidence to go woo a gal...dunno how daron doing too...i am restrictive into going onto a relationship too...but seeing bird and sk so happy with their gf...i really hope to settle down too...i also dunno what i wan...think it the same for daron...i am afraid that the whole relationship would turn out to be a mess again...i dun even have the courage to start...ahahaz...wat a wastre...

MY work!!!

2006-09-20T03:01:00.002-07:00

My work was horrible...i admit that i dunno how to be a teacher...the pay was gd...but the students are incorrigble...i finally know that i cannot be a secondary school teacher...this is probably the only positive impact the school gave mi...

i everyday shout at them until i almost lose my voice and feel so restrictive on entering their classroom...i am scared of them actually....afrraid to even see them...they always got mi into trouble...everytime i relief a class..a teacher, vice principle or principle would walk pass and come into my class and scold them...this has proven that i am a useless teacher...unable to control the students not to make so much noise...but i did shout at them...they think i am just singing...damm....

i was so angry that day that i could not control my anger and used vulgar language...lol...the students used this to threaten mi and make mi treat them lunch...lol...wat a joke...stupid students....

i was also asked by the HOD(head of department) to cut my hair...no matter how i cut they still call mi a gangster teacher...i also dunno wat to do...i am so tired...gansgter??dio i really look like one??i am really a gd boy but no one believe mi in the school...lol....

lastly i was so pissed off by a girl...she is in sec 1 and class 1t1...she call mi more than 10 time each day telling mi hat she wans to commit suicide...at first i thought it is real...but her constant sms tell mi that she do not have the courage to commit suicide...i dunno at she wan from mi...she sms mi like mad...i did not bothereed to reply her....i lied to her so as to accompany my friends...thinking that i shld spent quality time with my friend when i am out with them..but instead...they had a bad impression of mi and say i lied too much and had a long nose...wat a joke...had i know this..i would have hid in a corner and talk to the sec one gal...

but anyway...just as i expected...she also did not commit suicide...dunno what she wan from mi...now call mi to teach her science...tell mi she dunno the whole book...how to teach!!!!

results!!

2006-09-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

today i gonna post a couple of blog to make up for those blogs that i haven been posting for a long time...first of all..let mi talk about my results...true enough..i got the results that i wanted for a long time finally...actually this was not disclose to anyone...but some idiot...uses the password i gave him last time to help mi check something to check my results...

I was pissed off initially but i kept my temper...how could he do that...not funny lor....think he dunno the word privacy well enough...no one can be trusted!!!!F***

since he know..i might as well disclose in my blog so that everyone who read my blog would know...no need to ask mi...maybe there would be some still interested to know...

i got 2 AD,3 A and 1 B+....my GPA is 3.503...detailed enough??

wat a life!!!!

2006-09-04T01:55:00.000-07:00

wat a wonderful life i have during my holidays...i skip work for a couple of days and do nothing at hm...went out and spent so much money till i got a hard time during the weekends...only went out with daron most of the time...so bored...not that he is bored...but i really need something to spice up my life...dammm

as for work...currently working for the hopeless burger king which pays 3.50 per hr...that y i been skipping work...they only give mi work 5 hrs...and its less than 20 per day...i dun see the point...lol...so dammm sianzz....

haizzz...recently someone ask mi whether i have forgotten or given up the gal which start with an M and ends with an A...lol...i was stumbled over the qn...i also dunno how to ans...i only know that she says her blog was supposed to be private...seems like she only gave one guy name richie...think maybe she is close with him...i also dunno whether she is single a not...to think i went the whole hell of seraching and asking be4 getting her blog..izzit worth it??her sms reply has clearly shown that mi and her is confirm impossible...wonder what am i doing...

what shld i do now...dammm...i think i muz start building my confidence and get gals no...ask them out...dammm...so i wont feel so bored..i been saying for such a long time...but still...i did not maange to get any no...looking at my tummy and facing the mirror looking at myself...i think i have lost all the confidence...when i see pretty gals..i did not even look at them directly....that not mi...shittt...

bored!!!!

2006-08-31T06:31:00.000-07:00

AAWWWW...chase away my boredom plssss...wa...holiday so bored man...got to go find a job...

No money to spent on many things...dammm...that y i am so bored...

ok...got to watch tv le...

bb....

2006-08-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

haizz...haven been doing much lately...exams around the corner again...everytime exam are near,my mood is usually foul and i got this feeling that i am going to be sick again...

haizz...i want to be happy...but thing dun work out that way...i see some of my friends who are breezing through their poly life and i envy them...STUDY HARD!!!chiong chiomg chiong...and get urself so upset and fustrated...worry about resluts every day...instead of helping each other in their work, they curse the other party not to get well...so that fall into the COM( certificate of merit) category....back stab each other...conceal notes and not reveal to other friends...what the F*** is this....

i really get tired of playing this game..for years i been trying to get to the top...sometimes i fail..sometimes i suceed...but i ask myself...have i been guilty of the above crimes??yes..definetly...i know those ppl who are trying to get to the top are all doing this...i know it...just that i did not say it...and i follow suit...

y???y cant i just do my best and keep a clear and happy mind...instead of getting headache because of "what if"...

WHAT IF I DID NOT GET AN A??

wHAT IF MY GPA DROP???

WHAT IF I CANNOT ENTER INTO A PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITY??

WHAT IF MY POSITION DROP AGAIN??

WHAT IF...WHAT IF.....WHAT IF....

I AM REALLY TIRED...

2006-08-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

chen xiao chun - The one I love

Confused

2006-08-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

Life is so stressed...after completing two major project, an heavy weightage ICA is coming....

Haizzz...the whole programme is so complicated...how am i going to learn that...one mistake in my ICA then its gone man...so how am i going to score for that??

I was listening to 93.3 fm and heard this...this guy went steady with his gf and his gf actually like the other guy...the gal even told him that no one can replace that guy in her heart....i feel that guys is terribly stupid...the guy even told her that if u choose him instead i will wish u happiness, after knowing that she been talking on the phone with the other guy for hrs every night...but later they got married...lol...life is so ironic...

I heard this sentence from a seminar....the poorest person is one who has a lot of dreams but cannot acheive it....

then probably i think i had join the community of the poor...cause i have lots of dream...but haven been acheiving them...i wonder when will i...i always give up half way...but i seriously need a degree...will i be able to get one??when i already having headache in poly studies...

What a life...can someone all my sufferings??

ProJECTSS!!!!

2006-07-26T06:09:00.000-07:00

YYYYYYYY???????y has it got to be like this...international biz pro 1......come on...i am one of the members who did the most job on the project...but still i ot the lowest among the grp...true...my presentation suk...but it not fair...grading presentation independently from the report....Y???members who never even did a single thing got A just becase he presented well...shittt....haizzz...so wish to give up on the third ICA....dammm...

stress!!!!

2006-07-20T04:31:00.000-07:00

hohoho....wa...company law project was a simple task and it nearly killed mi...maybe because i wasn't too sure of my grp capability and wanna take charge of everything and this make mi so super stress...

recently have discovered myself simple keeping quiet...like to do things alone...walk alone...finally...one yr of singlehood had made mi able to suit myself comfortably into this kind of life...something like my o levels...everyday only stress about my test and exams....izzit gd??noticing that i seldom speak to gal...or rather i dun joke anymore...i become very serious...no more smiles whenever i walk...i look so solemn and fierce...izzit true??

i find that my gal friends are depreciating...i now never even go out with gal nor chat on the phone...omg..am i becoming gay??ahahaz...well..i do wan to enlarge my social circles with gals...but i felt inferior...thinking that i becoming very fat and no longer look gd..that confidence in me has gone....what has happen???

2006-07-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

陈浩民 _-_爱海滔滔

SAD!!

2006-07-13T04:01:00.000-07:00

bernard say he is sad..i also dunno what is he sad about??sad with such a gd gf...lol...then what about mi...i got an incomplete life and that without love...ahahaz...who more sad...

went to take the pass from ash and on the walkway to B503, i saw her...when i was about to open that door to take that pass she nearly bump onto mi...lol....she look like an angel man...met her thrice today...something i have notice is that everytime i look at her she never look back...lol...sad sia...ahahaz...haizzz...she is gorgeous...somemore in QQ class if i am not wrong...

but anyway i shld not be thinking of that...i may be leaving NYP though...i had submitted my application for france...going for the director interview next week...i stand a high chance to go...i do have a little bit of unwillingness to leave my friends and NYP...but on a larger view...i suppose i shld better leave...to avoid all the miserable feelings i got to face everyday....maybe this four mths will allow mi to forget all the unhappiness contained in mi...if my application is approved...this sem will be my last sem...and effectively i will be leaving this sch in three more weeks...ahahz...i would wan to delete her no once i finish my exam and the france trip is approved...i wont be seeing her again...

JULY!!!!

2006-07-07T04:58:00.000-07:00

time flies...july has come and my test are driving mi mad...exam are approaching too...gonna do something about it...

Had a chat with two of my classmates on why they do not want to have gf where the rest of my friends are dying for it...ahahaz...

mi:ys, did u ever had a gf??
YS: no...dun give a damm about it..
MI:but y??other ppl are dying for it...
YS:relationship is the worst investment...it does not give u anything...take my sis for eg...she also broke up with her bf after he went into army...we are entering NS soon...when a guy goes into NS the gal usually dun stay...so y bother...moreever...it cost a bomb to have a gf...and only make ur heart breaks when u break up...u dun gain anything...
MI:not so jia liat la...does have some intangibles in the beginning...but it will still end somehow..

MI;hg,u once had a gf...but u dun have one now...are u not interested in finding one more??
HG:One more??never thought of that...i wan to enter into a local uni first..anyway...wat YS has said makes sense...maybe when i enter into a uni then find one ba...better and more stable...now will only affect my studies....

CONCLUSION:
what ys said make sense...i support his way of thinking...relationship is the worst investment i ever made in my life...all it ends up with is a broken heart that take so much time for it to be mended...not to forget i am entering into NS...moreever...i wish to try the local uni...though i may not have a gd chance for it...SO IT GD TO STAY AS A BACHAELOR...

think this gonna be my last blog that includes her...went to her blog again and suppose i am a loyal fan of her blog...ahahaz...read her whole blog and realise she only mention me once in her blog...and that was a bad memory...ahahaz...she say she was too busy with work lately with lot of presentation and so on and had no time to go out...but her blog does not tally with what she say...she went out with her friends and even had the time to watch soccer...ahahz..she rather mention outings with other guys than mine...nice one...she does not even knows how to lie..ok..enough of that...

So the next time i blog will be something happy and would be exclusive to mi and my friends...ahahaz...off to study my IB...what a horrible module...

life!!

2006-06-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

thought everything was going well..but never did i expect the feelings would come back to mi again..she is back to her own self...i shld say this time i would not tolerate that..yesterday i was eating cup noodles outside cheers with daron at about 2 am...bought along a coffee too...then i found out i was left a one dollars...i was initially planning to spent it since i could not do much with one dollars...meanwhile i heard a sound...something like test ur destiny...i am not too sure either...ahahaz

i flick that one dollar into the palm reading monster....it says there my love life sux...i totally agree...that is y i haven got a gf till now...ahahaz...ran out of thing i wan to write...

bb...ahahaz

AIS

2006-06-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

AIS aka accounting information system...i dunno y the hell are we studying that...it is not related to accounting at all...nevertheless...the ans in the exam script and tutorial are not in the notes either...so y are we still studying that??got a low C for that...wan a plus also dun have...shit...worst module i ever come across...i did put in effort lor...but...it did not turn out well....

personality test

2006-06-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.colorquiz.com">%20border=0%20alt=ColorQuiz.com%20src="

shawn%20took%20the%20free%20ColorQuiz.com%20personality%20test!

"Considers%20the%20existing%20circumstances%20disagreeable%20..."

Click'>http://www.colorquiz.com/cgi-bin/results.cgi?do=print_blog&picked1=7,2,1,0,6,5,3,4,0&picked2=7,1,0,6,5,2,3,4,4&sex=Male&blog_name=shawn">Click

here to read the rest of the results.

Me & Myself

2006-06-18T20:31:00.001-07:00

Pri sch- i was a dumbliest fool on earth and did not excel in anything.espically studies.

Sec 1 & 2- I was still the same and i did not fare well in studies.Moreever, I was caught for stealing and luckily my teacher was kind enough not to report mi to the police. I was the only one caught in my gang. People discriminate me and even the teacher did so. I was force to sit in the middle of the class and on the floor. Nobody wanted to be friends with me.

Sec 3,4 & 5- i swore to prove everyone wrong. Got what i wanted in my N and O levels.

Post O level life- It was my first time i ever experience in a relationship. It was short though. I broke the gals heart. Well, i got my retribution too. Another gal broke my heart too. Went into jc and quit cause on the pretext that i was not good in my english and math. I though i wanted a nicer environment to study and play at the same time. Went into poly then with my friends.

Poly life- Got another gf but this still, good things dun last long. Did not do well for my first yr, but improve over the next few sem.

Current- Yr 3 now. Will i fare well or badly?i know the ans myself. I do not have the motivation to study. I felt something was missing in my life. What is that??

Me & Myself

2006-06-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

holiday!!

2006-06-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

high expectation for this holiday...but things went wrong...i stared at the notes for days...but i just got no mood to study..i tried doing my tutorials...but i do it half heartedly...moreover...it was not even half done...blanks were left all over...so wat shld i be doing??and wat am i doing...

drank beer for the past few days...hoping to get some sleep...but i still stayed up till 3 am...suppose to be doing tutorial..but wasnt sober enough to do it...went to play some games...but my computer sux...it break down when i'm down...

gone case liao..this sem would be a total disaster...wat am i doing??

Singapore!!!

2006-06-03T03:58:00.000-07:00

have this sudden thought that how i wish to get out of this country...SIngaporeeee is not my hm...this is not home truly....look at other country..their welfare are much better then here...

if i able to get out of this country to australia to study...i wanna stay there if they accept...despite the discrimination and the second class citizen...i am still proud to say i love there...although i have not been there...but i am can imagine...it a land of enjoyment...a land of freedom...a land of relaxation...

loneliness

2006-06-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

Route of destruction is just in front of me...shld i be taking?i dun know...felt so lonely today...i saw hazel today...the gal i went to take no from...well...because i was desperately trying to prove to jeric and ash that i am not a corward....

and wat did i do??i turn my back as i dun wan to face her...well..not that i am shy or wat...but i just do not want ppl to know that i am taking lunch alone...i hate taking lunch alone, especially when there others having their grps and chatting away...i feel lonely...

Usually when i have lunch alone, i would just make sure i am gobbling down the food..my face would not face up as i do not want to see familiar faces..

i was calculating my budget while i was walking to IBRC...hmm...i am spending about 5 dollars for my lunch..it not just today...it common for me to spent that much...i only went canteen to eat...i spent so much because i like to snack a lot..that y....therefore..the ultimate conclusion came to my mind...since i am taking 50 buck a week only..then i should not be having gf...this is another reason for mi to justify y i should be having one...ahahz

2 am

2006-05-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

wat time liao..i am still studying??ahahaz...sound like i am so hardworking right...ok..i study for five min and watch tv for fifteen min...omg...i am so fuking hardworking...wanted to complete my memorizing my company law today...but...look like i am so tired and ready to pounce onto my bed...

i am studying in front of my tv...watching tv to be exact...and study during the advertisment....haizz....no mood lei..feeling down...but went to the australia open hse today...its great...eh..so far i heard the highest requirement is 65% of As and Bs...eh..hehe...i qualify...but still got two more sem lei...dunno by that time what will be my grades...

forcasted grades for this sem...all Bs...and pls do not have more then 1 C....i want to go australia de...my As and Bs currently stand at 80%...but i muz not be complacent...or later fall short of 65% then i can forget about going to australia..wanna go overseas then get the best uni and go correct?get those uni that even tom dick and harry can go de..then i might as well study ACCA...

one more thing..i know she seldom see my blog...just ask her how her tutorial...from her ans i know she has not change...well..my advice to her is that if she does not change...even she go to australia she may not graduate from there...haizz...i find myself super slack liao..but i no words to describe her...

flop

2006-05-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

haizz...sianz la... think i am in the midst of breakdown liao...the last two days was a total flop..i did the test..and i know how i have done...i was so sad yesterday and my head was spinning fast...finally went out and catch a movie with myself...ya...haizz...i need a relieve yesterday and was determine to watch the movie...watching movie is fake but hiding my emotion is true...i need somewhere to hide...to conceal my emotions...

and u know wat..i was tryin so hard to hide my tears from others in the bus...88...yeah..i am going back to where i start...i need help...fuk...i went hm with tears....wa fuk...hide in my room until 3 am...sianz...and guess wat i was doing??staring at the walls...and ???....haizzz...

dunno what to do...i am so stress up........

test!!!

2006-05-20T02:42:00.000-07:00

haizzz...next week i will be having my test...damm...i still dunno what the fuk is the notes talking about...haizzz...wanna have a gd start...but...even rejected my friends outing twice and hers once...first time she is calling mi out for lunch...big sacrifice izzit??but...WHAT'S THE POINT...my score will still be lousy...got enough of those craps...shitttt....

WOUND CAN HEAL
LOVE CAN FADE
HONOUR AND GLORY LAST

PLS.....let mi have the power...i need the confidence...

LIFE!!!

2006-05-15T03:59:00.000-07:00

so many yrs...in the quest of power, prove of ability and outsmarting ppl are nothing but a vision of smoke...haizz...remember once my manager says to mi..since young..he aspire to be a high flyer in his job...but after attaining a second class honours in the university of manchester, he now yearns for a peaceful and stable life now...

this sem...altogether 13 weeks...strictly speaking, its a total of 52 days of schooling...13 weeks*4 days in sch per week...yes...after this 13 weeks i am going for exams already....sad to say...i haven been doing my bit...i skip tutorials this week...and i thoought i know something about AIS...but actually i know nth...after today tutorial..i indeed know nth...and next week is my test...i dunno wat to do...i wanna cry only...dammm

test is coming...project are coming...effective biz writing report also need to submit...how am i going to finish all that...i want to be a high flyer too...i want to excel in studies...i used to be the top...now i am in the bottom...it hard to accept that i cannot be what i wan to be...it hard to accept now i am falling into the bottomless pit...and still falling...i am not climbing up...i am falling...

i need to have a shorter vision...finish my private university with a pass...earning 2k plus to 3 k a mth...leading a peaceful life...living in the midst of the air...an HDB...is this life??i dunno...my mum says it is...my dad say i should not settle for this...if this my life i will just accept it ba...then i got to apologise to my parent i could not do them proud...i am so sorry...

today!!

2006-05-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

first of all...yesterday was the loneliest night i ever felt...i actually went to buy a bottle of wine and mi and daron sat down with the chilling wine cup and was enjoying the drink...maybe this is the life of bachelor ba...wonder when my life will be filled with colours...my studies is still all grey..nothing to look forward too..i have a feeling...this sem will be a bad sem...

today went out with my bachelor grp again...well...this time something unhappy happened...haizz...it just the different perception between jeric and ash..haizzz...think ash is really piss off...it all because of the root of evil....money...haizzz...pls dun be angry if anyone of u see this...i leave some comments for both of u...i am trying to list some of ur perception out..i may be wrong...if i am..pls tell mi...

Ash....he a spendthrift...i feel he spent a lot...maybe bacause of the family he is brought up...he say he wants to save money...but i dun think he did...but he is quite on...maybe that y he spent a lot...

Jeric...he a saver...well...tell u what...mabe we should not be so obstinate about our perception about money or some of our values...maybe can change according to circumstances...for eg...u tell mi twenty buck is for ur piggy bank...then u tell mi no money...i am not saying its wrong...but maybe u can give in when the mood is right...we all went out to have fun...i know it hard to earn money and i am also like u...middle class only...give and take sometimes...but of course u shld not be like mi...always give in when the mood is right...cause i alway feel right when i am out...but sometimes muz also be more accomodating...like that u will also have more friends...and ppl say u on...but pls...after reading this pls dun avoid us or think i am out to say u r wrong...if i did say anything wrong..i would like to say sorry first...u may also like to apologise to ash ba...hope our friedship stays...remember...if bachelors dun even want to befriends themselves...then no one will...hope our bachelor club remains...

sch!!

2006-05-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

sitting on my comfortable chair,munching on oreo biscuits and typing my blog...oppss...did i say munching on oreo biscuits???i better stop..its 12 am and i am still doing that....i would had jog in vain ttoday if i still munch on that...i better STOP!!!

sch start liao...it the 2nd week already...time files and in 12 more weeks we are going to the exam again...recruited yiting to our grp for two modules already...she power in english man...it has strongly boost our grp strength since she join us...and we had a common goal...As....well...we work towards that...anyway tried to recruit matilda...but she rejected it...nvm...she in jenny grp...will do quite well too...

aiyo...12 more weeks to exam liao...this is really bad...i can't imagine having to cramp those knowledge we aquire in 13 weeks of schooling then go exam...it's somehow too fast...dunno i can make it a not...but no matter what i will give it a try...this is WAR!!!

i will never give up...fight till the end...die with dignity....honour...make the impossible possible...targeted As...4...try to break my last sem record...

weird

2006-04-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

everything seems fine for a few mth...i thought i might find some hope...but!!!found out from some friend that it has still been the same...been treated like a fool...and the thing is that she call mi weird...she call mi WEIRD!!!!can it be any worse then that???fuck that...somemore i am being make use of during the exam period...she canot find anyone for help..i volunteer...i am foolish...dumb...i dun regret helping her and company...but...she put it in a way that i am her last hope..back up...i wont tolerate that....

now that there is no point saying anything...i am depressed...ya..i vow to myself to only love her for these 3 yrs and help her whenever she need help..i will keep to my words..i her continue to be stupid..dumb...and a fool...i got to keep my promise...but i swear to heaven in front to all my readers..i will lose weight in a mth time...i will be back to myself...i dun believe with my calibre i will not be able to get a gf...

i stop flirting with gals when i met her...because i promise not to...or maybe i am not gd at it or dunno how to...but from today onwards..i will learn and excel in it...get it...i will...i will study hard and win...winning is my fort...i may not be the best..but i will be better then many of u guys..

BEWARE!!!!

Prove our worth

2006-04-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

to jeric,ash and myself,

Heyz..so sch starting...time to get our mindset there...time to buck up and prove our worth...all of us has got our target...although we may not be able to excel as the best..but we also should not be look down...get a realistic target and work for it...remember...muz achieve the target and not let anyone look down on us...we muz be above the average...imagine the u in the bottomline and when ppl look down and say u r lousy..u wont want to look down and see no one to say.."hey, u r lousy too" except a gate opening for u..named "THE HELL GATE"...we shall work hard and advance together...remember no money no honey...the best way to break away form proverty is through education...

Guys...all the best...
THE NEXT MISSION:

PROVE OUT WORTH
DO OUR BEST
BE ABOVE AVERAGE

wossshh!!!!

2006-04-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

wow...last week of IPP...it is now 10 am when i pen down this blog..oh...three and three quarter days to go...finishing soon...this week pack liao lor...ahahaz..going out with lots of friends and my cousins too...this fri going clubbing...today going out with jeric and ash to town ba...later having lunch with my supervisors...also muz find one evening to treat my supervisors this week...anyway hes leaving...think found new pasture...gd for him ba...as for mi...the same old thing juz came back to mi..study...

i hope i got something happier to write when i post my next blog...alamak..actually wanted to help my friends...but in the end got rejected by two gals...one not free...one dun wan to meet,..i feel sad for them..cause they wer not even given a chance...espically ash...how am i going to tell him lina dun wan to meet him??hes sad enough...damm lina...ahahaz...jkjk la...

as for jeric.. i also dunno whether christina is telling the truth...but anyway...i will try to contact her again...but pls remind mi...

think this song suits us man...to ash,jeric and daron...chen xiao chun

perhaps we can only dream ba..like the last 3 sentance....ahahaz

Animal farm

2006-04-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

yeah...that wat they name themselves...ahahaz...wosh....10 weeks has since pass...next week is my last week already...gong back sch..omg...NP students,lina and zhi xuan left the animal farm today...SP student, jun jie and yvonne has also left 2 week ago....haizzz...i miss them...we can click well...ahahaz...they are a grp of fun loving and supportive friends...to be frank..they are a million time closer to mi than my classmate in NYP....i hate that class of mine...dunno y am i in the class...

In the class, i am only one of the idiot who join the cut throat game...look like everyone is trying to get the other down...selfish ppl...i really dun wish to get to that class of mine...i dun feel close with them at all...worse than stranger...i can even smile at stranger...but not them...

My colleauge has brought mi joy...usually i am not so close with gals...but they are different...we can talk almost anything under the sun...ahhaz...they are a great bunch of colleauge...they is no jealousy and so on...all happy and joyful...i can be my the other self with them,crappy and unusual...not the stern looking guy...act cool not cool de...ahhaz..omg...i miss going out with them...the most memorable is the frog porridge...they are marvellous...remember to call mi out ok...muz contact each other ok...dun foget mi...miss all the NP and SP student...hehe...

BOring

2006-04-20T02:46:00.000-07:00

heeeyoooo...boring...what a bored day today is...i done nth much today in the office...haizzz...my grades...i dun wanna think of it liaozzz....dammm...

aiyo...suddenly realise i been out with the same grp of friends...the bachalor grp...ahahaz...daron ash and jeric...those friends i have and are attached give all sorts of excuse not to go out...but thinking back i was almost like them anyway...i cannot blame them too...but at least i am not bad as them lor...ahahaz...excuses like i need to save money la...going out with gf la...not free la...budget la...all the same...damm..got better excuses...ahahaz...

my friends say i am funny these few days...maybe i am...i feel a bit too...i dunno y i am suddenly like a child...think i am tooo bored ba...but when i am serious they say i trying to act cool...haizzz...dunno what to do also...ahahaz....

haizzz...i dun like to go hm...i feel lonely...lonely, i'm so lonrly..ahahaz...omg...been single for almost a yr liao...so sianz...feel like finding a new gf...but cannot...i muz concentrate on studies liao...like what i promise my friend...either i patch with her and study hard...or i juz study hard...my GPA muz go up to 3.5...

sch coming liao...got this mixed feelings...but eventually i still like sch...y??because sch is a better place...we dun have to work from 8.30 to 6 anymore...fri is also a off day...and i desperately wants to graduate from this stupid NYP...it a useless poly...thirdly i wan to get my dreams faster....even knowing such thing cannot be rush...and lastly...i wan to perform...once in sch i can show to everyone i am not that stupid lazy shawn....i wan to perform...i gonna show them!!!!!

FINE

2006-04-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

to all my friends..i am ok...thanks for all that console..so touch...but of course i wont express out...cause i am a guy...with too much dignity le ba..ahahaz...thanks lei...special thanks to lina who sms mi late in the night...really appreciate that...wileen who talk to mi in msn..althought i never reply but i know u do show concern...felicia who also express her concern to mi in the office...thanks yiting for dedicating a post for mi...nice one there...also lancaster also has tag mi and show conceren...thanks for all that....i am fine...i juzt need the desperate situation to get out of everything...because i only act or perform when i am force to..ahhaz...sound like i am a obstinate person huh...ahaahz...

RUIN

2006-04-17T01:52:00.000-07:00

ruin life..ruin relationship..ruin studies grades and ruin shawn...this is wat i have under my name...having a terrible headache now...life suks..i suk even more...living like a dead man without souls...wat can i ask for more...ppl treat mi like a fool..wat nicknames do i still have??FOOL!!!nice one huh...

i am going hm tonight..going to sleep once i reach hm..i am sick..sick of everything(dead or living ) in this world...i hate the world..the world hate mi..

i am going berserk..................................fuk that..........................

fool again

2006-04-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

Westife,fool again...i like to listen to this particular song..cause it resembles how i feel and some of my thoughts are inside...anyway...i think i am a fool once again...sometimes i tend to ponder over certain things and forget the whole situation...right now my feelings are mixed, confused and lousy...imagine my heart is confined inside locked room..waiting for someone to get mi out from the outside..being confined for almost a year is bad...in fact..it get bored and seeks freedom...there are of course gals who try to open it...but they are nt the one i am waiting for...disappointment would cloud me whenever the one who open the door is not her...today, this particular morning, i sms her once again...today is monday, whereby i have to crawl out of my bed after a long weekends of working,tired and fustrated...as usual...her sms would make the situation worse..maybe she think her reply is short and sweet..but to mi...its cruel and pathetic..she usually only reply my last qn, one of my question or not even ans...is like she is not too bothered to reply or she din even bothered to read my sms in full..ahahaz..

i am a normal person aspiring to be someone great...i know i am not good looking..not smart...and neither the perfect kind man in the eys of women...i lack the qualities to be great..i lack patience...the ultimate knowledge to be a great man...i am skeptical toward women since my second gf..one of my greatest mistake is to ditch my 1st gf for the 2nd...some ppl may may say it possesive...but i prefer the word skeptical...but i lack the trust towards gals...cause of that experience i went through...because of that..led to the third breakup..u can say i deserve it...but i just say i am being practical...

lastly...another main problem i have is the lasck of hte ability to process information through the most important part of my body; BRAIN...maybe i usually speak without thinking..i suppose i have hurt one of my best buddies...she the one who has help mi throughout my sec sch life and much of my sucess in my o levels should been attributed for her generous help..recently found out something from someone i am not familiar with...i had told the gal who has help mi deeply to lose weight in a negative way...this has even made know to someone i dunno...omg...i wish to say sry..but thing has long pased...and it difficult to open my mouth...here..i would like to apologise... i am sorry...

Stress!!

2006-04-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

yup...whenever i sms her and ask how's her work, that her reply..i feel so sorry for her...but i cannot do anything either...i tried comforting her but failed..i aask her out but she is not free..hmmm...wat can i do??i dunno...with her, i feel hot and cold...i felt warmth and also coldness...it make mi sick...haizz...let say about something happier then...yesterday we went to celebrate...to enjoy the soon departure of the SP students..i dunno how to spell their name...but dun get it wrong ok...we r not hapry that they are leaving..anyway we also have got each other timtable and would meet up even when my sch start..i suppose..ahahaz....then i went to sch for the GEO council meeting and i think i left my pencil box there...omg..after that went out for dinner with ash and jeric...daron also joined us too...i think we can form the bachelor club soon..ahahaz...no la...actually jeric also has a target liao...i jus hope he could take the first step...and i really wan to wish him happiness...as for ash..ahahax...he is jus one horny a** hole...gal gals galsss...ahahaz..that wat all he is thinking...but of course i do hope he find someone he love..but not because he has to or feel bored without a gal...for daron..i think he has gone through a miserable breakup with his ex..i pity him though...i think he is taking some time to rest now...so let not bother him...let him rest well..he can de la..he also quite handsome...somemore so devoted to kayaing and lots of gal in the kayaing club...have no worries for him..anyway went hm v late yesterday too...12 plus lei...i slept al 1 plus..today wake up so tired.,..gonna be sick again...omg...

read my blog!!

2006-04-11T01:39:00.001-07:00

wa...yesterday had serious running nose then follow by nose block...but amazingly i still went to watch two movies and eat pasta mania with my best friend, daron...ahahaz...spent like almost 50 yesterday...wth....save money...now it sounds absurd to mi...finally..another friend of mine told mi she got a bf...i wan to tell her if she ever read my blog....ALL THE BEST...U WILL BE HAPPY WITH HIM...these word are from mi....sincerely alright...no gals has ever been happy with mi...u r right to go with the guy...u found ur wing and now about to take off to a new dream land...go on...do not look back...i can say u r a great friends...n i hope all the secret i had told u will be kept as a secret...promise mi ok....dun ever say out...ur past is no longer important...wat matters id the future..also...study hard...i know i been naggy...like an old uncle...but that the best route for u...never mind if u never get into poly...but if u work hard to retake ur o levels this yr...u be able to make it...go on to a university...u see better skies...trust mi...alright i shall not be naggy...got free we meet outside ok...i mean go out la...ahahaz...see u...ALL the best...

read my blog!!

2006-04-11T01:39:00.000-07:00

going out!!!

2006-04-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

Finally...after a long and tiring week days ...today is fri and the final hr before i am going out...hmmm...today go PS lor...dunno do wat sia..ahahaz...aiyo..this week thought i can save some monry...in the end i watch 2 movies and spent almost a hundred already..sat still going to KTV...omg...this time deficit again...haizz....if i dun control myself i be in this rat race forever..i wan to come out..i wan financial freedom...i remembered my teacher once told mi...because we are not rich and our parents are not so well educated...therefore we as their children muz hard harder and study hard...so that we can be out of the proverty cycle...i will do juz that...i will study hard...to attain financial freedom we muz buy assets...income generating assets...i know this..but i am not doing it...ahahaz...damm...maybe i am still young...i do not feel the presure...but that an excuse...money fears two thing...time and interest...compound interest is the greastest discovery of all...it is the only shortcut to financial freedom...but it got to allied with time...without time..it become useless..i know all these shiit term...but not following it..lol...two quote to remember...
1..it not how much u earn,it how much u save that amaze.
2.Smart people do not necessary do different things,it just that they do thing differently

PaIN,sadness,agony

2006-04-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

I also dunno wat to say anymore...love u has become my agony, pain and sadness...i am too confused...gd girls are around....though not comparable to u in my heart but they at least treat me decently...i am no fool...i acted like one because u like to see it...but how long can this substain...i know this wont last..but y did i still do that...because of my simple and pure love....i am not a sophiscated person and have no wish to join in that sophiscated game...thinking of u..missing u has sort of become a routine everyday...dont u feel it....i been thinking...thinking hard to make u realise that i have change..become better...but so what...to u i am no better than ur friend...

end of march

2006-03-28T01:05:00.000-08:00

wooossshhhh....march gonna be over...april coming and IPP gonaa be over...and that spell an end to all my trouble....IPP has been a headache to mi man and i really hope to get at least an B...i juz hope it does affect my grades so much...i will be prepared for the last yr...i wanna get 3.5..though i know this GPA would be far from sufficient for mi to get into university but this gonna be the benchmark for mi to go for...a person without goal are going nowhere...i know i wan to be an accountant and i am not stoping at poly...of course...i will upgrade myself...there two route to this...first get into RMIT which is a part time uni course in SIM and eventually go on to take a few more paper to get and australia CPA, convert it into ICPAS. Although this seems to be the safer route to take but i muz get a australia CPA as stoping at the university level is useless...thanks to the scandal of singaporean using money to buy the uni cert in the main university...i may have another choice and which is to go for the full course of UOL degree in SIM...but after attaining this i still cannot be an accoutant...although this would get mi a mangerial post...oh shit.... at last.,..think my more definite choice..ACCA...maybe the starhub centre de...call FTC... this cert although not a degree cert, but this would enable mi to be a member of ICPAS straight away after completing my course...if i take this i would surely go for masters.....i wan my ending cert to be cool...haizzz..study is such a headache....and lastly to my friend...a guy who posted a comment in my previous post...if u see this post...i wish to tell u this...i seen ur blog and felt that not shld be the way to life...i know u been wanting to enter uni and some of them may have better results then u...but that should not be the way to be selfish...i hope u understand...that typew of cursing and swearing at other ppl is not too correct too..i mean ethically...i believe that encouraging each other and do well together..i was once like u...near exam i would isolate myself..i been through this and i know its bad...that y i am willing to help ash and company during exam period...also u are too paranoid and this is not too good...i am sure if u wan to study and will be ways for u...going to NUS is a gd choice...i hope u do well and get into it...but if u dun u still got a lot of choices and i believe if u are hardworking u will still be able to do well in other university...next time ur employer will be able to see it...getting into local uni do give those ppl a leverage into getting a job...but look further...it may not mean better prospect... u can get a uni cert from SIM and go fo postgraduate studies in a local uni if ur results were good..ur ending cert would still be a local cert...i am not scolding u or wat..i hope u understand...because i strongly believe our friendship stays...anyway because of studies and break up the years of friendship , have been through it and i know its terrible...dun hurt urself that way...it is not worth it...

Wat a test...lol

2006-03-20T01:50:00.000-08:00

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	High

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Dentist

2006-03-19T23:21:00.000-08:00

omg...2 more days and i am going to changi general hospital...sadzzzzzzzzz....got to go see dentist..almost a month le lor...my gum still have not recovered...wth...even the doctor also dunnno wat happen to mi..gave mi some shity medicine which does not seems to have much effect...i finish the medicine and i am still not cured...althought my mouth is not swollen now...not as cute as before but of course...can't deny...i am good....ahahaz...i wanna murder the teacher who gave mi b and c...i kind of did work hard for my classical semester but y am i not getting As...ppl gpt so many AAAAA...damm....my grp of friends in the poly the lousiest also got 4 A...one even better 3 distinction and 2 As...superhuman lei...welll...after this attachment i am going to have a new start...i gonna chiong...chiong all the way...i got my dream...my dreams...as i always believe...dreams are not something far away for mi to admire...but it left on the table for me to grab...i gonna make my every wish come true...i will and i can...aaarrrrggghhh...i need the power...bless me with that...

guess wat

2006-03-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

guess wart...decided to blog again...bored to the core...lol...think i really need a gd webby to pass my day...any recommendation??anyone??haizzz...next week taking our results liao...so scared...wat if i did not do well..all my efforts will be wasted....also my damm company which is so rich and worth billion did not even give us our pay till now...our pay in feb...wth....stupid company man....govt company somemore....lol....i am now so broke and waiting for their money to survive...omg...how am i going to survive for the next two day...think i gonna starve...if i take all my reserve and use it i will be left with nth again....i truly hate that feelings...shittt..oh well...think i have a gd webby now....shockwave.com...it jus came up my mind....ahahahaz...

blogging

2006-02-28T22:49:00.000-08:00

wow..look like everyone is blogging now...so i also got to start..ahahaz...so sianz..she rejected my date again...i am so puzzled...does she still like mi??no ans...she did not give mi any ans...she say dunno...at shld i do??well..guess i only have to wait..until a better one come along...easier to be said then done...lol...y did i like her so much..haizz...maybe this is retribution...she is not that pretty either...but i only like her...damn...is this true love??well..if it is then maybe we r not fated...sad to say...all her action seems negative..i shld have long given up...y am i so persistent...i really dunnno...maybe i shld look around for better ones..i really shld...

Feburary

2006-02-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

wow... time really files... it feburary...mth before i had posteed my previous blog...so y am i posting now..u know...boredom...yea this is the word...currently i am in this attachment now...in changi airport...u muz have say wow...changi airport...air stewardess to see...but i am confined in this tiny quarter with my supervisor, seperated by a thin movable partition..it isn't cool as u think...came in with high expectation of myself...hoping to do something memorable...but end up going home everyday with disappointment..there goes my A...i work so hard for the previous semester...hoping to oush my way up...but not so now..

January

2006-01-11T02:18:00.000-08:00

wow...time really files..it was long since i had posted my last blog...now i am waiting with my friends to play command and conquer...that was our favourite pastime when we are bored...exam is around the corner and the anxiety has not yet come to me...wonder when will it come..it is like two to three week away only..the worst thing is that our study break is on chinese new year...wa...stress lei...i know i still got lots of stuff i dunno...dun know what to do too...at a total lost..so been month i am without a gf...long live bachelor ...great being single...hehe..hmmm...let mi say something to those who are still single and feel lonely like mi...dun worry...u shld be fortunate because u have less headache,more freedom and can mix around with lots of friends...we shld be happy...cheer up...yeah...dun believe in love cause there no definite outcome...believe in something that will have better outcome...jia you...

my personality test

2005-12-10T04:46:00.000-08:00

Stability

36%
Orderliness

43%
Extraversion

46%
Accuracy: - 5 high 4 3 2 1 low
Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

Is this true??i also dunno..llol

December!!!

2005-12-10T04:31:00.000-08:00

wa...been two month i have posted my last blog...now i got this feeling of lonliness...haizzz...ke xi bu shi ni,pei wo dao zhui ho...been telling myself gal are just wants, not needs...i can go without love...i am a lousy bf...no love for mi...though this words has been coming out of my mouth but i know my heart never intended for these words...i know i miss her...wake up shawn...it over man...concentrate on what u have...be4 tep ends i tell myself what results i want to acheive but all these hope are so far away now...it impossible...i failed...y??i have n mood to study..i know i cannot carry on like this but i really duno what to do..this sem is so different from other sem....it's so stressful...aaarrrggghhhh....y??y am i still living in this world...i could not go along with the pace and i am going to be kicked out of this society..i will be branded as a useless person...i be letting my parent down...my hope and dream will all be broken into a million pieces...y is this happening to me...y??

HEADACHE!!!!

2005-10-27T04:58:00.000-07:00

haizzz...almost finishing my second week of school le..so tired...really bored by my school work but i will work hard...i promise...a successful person does not do different things, just that he does things differently...i also see her in school almost everyday...she was sick for two days and i am also worried for her...she went home today...muz be not feeling well...ahahaz...work and project is going to toil me for the next three and half month...i want to prove something...something that i promise myself that i am going to do it...but haven got a chance...now is the time...wait for me...also i am going to wish her happiness...i love her a lot...but i am not going to get her back...i know she would be better off being with someone...i dun want to go stead...hope i wont get gals buzzing around me...i wan to FOCUS...

October!!!

2005-10-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

ahahaz...so long never post anything on this blog liao...look like it has gotten enough rest..ahahaz...well,today is the first day of my classical...i saw her finally...the day that i dread most finally came...matilda is in the same class as mi now...haizzz...whenever i saw her, i see failure....recently just give myself some haircut...so that i wont have any love life inj the near future..i just wan to wait for her sliently...i know that mi and her are almost impossible...she never tell mi the reason but i reckon that she has lost all her feelings for mi liao...i also dunno wat to do now...i can feel that this time although this relationship has failed, but i not only like her...i truly love her...however...wat change cannot be change...if they say that love is all about sacrifice, maybe i would like to sacrifice my love for her happiness...maybe this is the ratiobal thing to do now...nevertheless...i will still be waiting for her...i wont have other gals in mind..i regretted it and so sad that all the misunderstanding has turn into my tragic break up with her...i really hope that night i had never call her....

Mooncakes for sale

2005-08-18T01:41:00.000-07:00

hello guys...moonckaes festive is coming...wanna buy some for ur love ones...dun hestitate..buy it from mi...free delivery plus discount avaliable...certified by NYP...more than 20 different types of flavours to choose from...u name it..NYP has it...prices are justified....confirm cheaper than market prices....prices ranges from $18 to $35...

Mooncakes

2005-08-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

delicious moonckaes for sale at reasonable price....$30 and above...discount are given...guarantee by NYP...many differents flavours...if interested pls contact mi at 98569151...

Presentation!!!

2005-08-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

hmmm...presentation again...almost time for the presentation already...so wat's next...so sianz...y do i miss her...that a gd qn...i also dunno her...y do i lost her....i know the ans....probably i am a jerk...y didnt i treat her well....qn like this flash through my mind evey moments i think about her...would i be able to patch up with her again...i always ask myself this question....but there isn't an answer to it...what am i supposed to do now???lol...probably got no mood to do almost everything...haizzzzz..................life is terrible for mi man...wtfffffffffffff

NDP

2005-08-10T02:41:00.000-07:00

blogging again...NDP...wahahaz...it was so boring lor...i slept at eight lor...ahahaz...but NDP eve was fun though....i went for the countdown..saw many revellers over there...happily dancing and celebrating away....it was hip that night...i went there with 3 of my gay friends...lol...chin sian.chee siang,tommy yeow and me...ahahaz..we went to marina to watxh movie call the seven swords and we actually ran out during the end of the movie...for wat???we ran all the way from the movie theatre to the esplanade to watch the fireworks...lol...but i actually went to toliet at the start of the fireworks...ahahaz...too many ppl liao...not interested in squeezing with those revellers...ahahaz...then we went over to meet our friends and have supper...haizzz...wat a long day...tired but happy...but.....if i have her with mi..i would have been happier...juz some wishful thinking of mine...lol...meet my ex....only say bb...ahahaz...nth to say...feel weird seeing her....but think she got bf liao...also wish her all the best...ahahaz...

if i know it at first,y do i still did that

2005-08-08T02:19:00.000-07:00

i was confident...so confident...or maybe too confident...that my relationship was a solid one...i was her first...they say gals will be very serious during their first relationship...believing this, i was confident that my relationship will last if i dun break up with her...i neglected her...i treat her badly...i never treasure her...she was a gd gal...she was tolerant towards mi...but i take thing too far...i never put my heart and soul into this relationship...i did not treasure her...sign appeared...i ignored...i continue with my ways...finally lead to a outcome i never believe...i acepted it...because it was my fault...i try to apologise and correct my ways...but its too late...no doubt...it too late...during my days being single...i think about her...i blame myself...i miss her...i need her...but i cannot do anything....i msg her...her occasion reply was a miricle...i dun blame her...i ask her to go out with mi...it never happens...so wat now???i also dunno...CONFUSED>>>>>>>>>>

Monday

2005-08-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

Incarcerated in this small round again...this week probably going to to be busiest week of all...got lots of stuffs to do but still dun have the mood to do...because of someone...i am still thinking of her...legions of people clouded the room last saturday and we waited till late in the night to play my general...we were so mad till we play till 6 am in the morning the following day..i only managed to get an hrs of sleep...then i am off to the centre to play my games again...i find its an effective get rid of the image of her....think later then i may post another blog...i have no mood to post now...bb....

a piece of advice

2005-08-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

hmmmm....brennan...hope i spell ur name correctly...ur blog was motivating...i like it really much...here i have a short quote to sucess..."success do not comes with stength...it come with perseverance"...i believe in this..to succeed in something...not only do u need strong will(meaning perseverance)...u also need to sacrifice something...there is always up and down throughout a person life cycle...take the blow and learn from it...then u will be able to reach ur next phase of life..to mi...every failure means another phase of new life...wat we have today does not come easily...now i am facing the falling side of my life...and i am trying to pick myself out of that mess...i know i can and i will do it...i know guys it difficult to face failure...but who doesn't...running away only deprieve u of having a new start...dun give up...my aim is to be rich..i work for it..i wan to be successful...i am trying very hard to do it...it does not comes with one or two days of hard work...its a long term commitment...for those who are not doing anything for their future..i suggest start it now..have a dream and work for it...u are likely to attain it...dream are something that allows us to carry on with our life and the hope to be able to achieve something..without dream, u will have nth to look forward...u will be like a zombie wandering on the streets...it is also pointless to carry on with ur life without dreams...trun nothing into something...we can if we try...

town

2005-08-04T17:52:00.001-07:00

Friday!!!last day of weekdays...imagine how happy i am today...hrs before weekends comes...the last day of this interminable weekdays...think today is all tep students wish for...wooooohhhh...cool man..hmmmm..tonight programme abit special...after days of stressful tuition session and car practical...today is the time to relax...town...ya..i am going to town today...probably suntec ba....to have dinner...yummy..ahahaz...glue to this squeaky and noisy chair and feeling so irksome...haizzz...how i wish this stopover would end soon....

routine

2005-08-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

back to my routine life..down to my busy life again...car learning session accompany by tuition at night make me so busy...still got to help my dad...can hardly breathe...wa..everyday is like a long day to me..busy but enriching...makes me feel gd after wasting my precious life away in tep...at least i make good use of my time after tep...24 hrs per day isn't really enough to mi...hope for more to increase my hours of sleep....doing all this to pave a way for myself after being lost in a land of nowhere...now i am seeing some headway already...trying to mitigate myself from all these excruciating feelings by telling myself achievements come with hard work...arrrgghh...jia you...and stay happy..

That y u go away!!!

2005-08-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

baby won't u tell mi y...there is sadness in ur eyes...i dun wanna say goodbye to u...love is one big illusion...i shld try to forget...but there is something live in my head...i'm the one to set it up...u the one to make it stop...i'm the who's feeling dust like now...now u wan mi to forget...every little thing u say...

blogging

2005-08-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

hi guys...here i am blogging again...mi now in tep...it damnn bored...i am doing nth..only staring at the screen...if u guys got any interesting webby that i can log in sch...pls share with mi...now i got nth to do..i started to think about her....think she is in hospital now...probably will be discharge today...i did send her a couple of msg but she didnt reply mi...however...during my morning break,it was like miricle...she somehow reply mi...thought it was short...but it was heart warming..i know i am deceiving myself..but wat can i do...i did not sleep well for a couple of day...waited till late in the night hoping for her sms...wat can i do??yesterday night even got my hand burnt as i was not concentrating on my stuff...haizzz....so NDP observance had just ended...wa...it was crap...my whole mind was just filled with her all day...dun even have the mood to celebrate...how i wish she was there...i juz wish to see her so much...

2005-08-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

愛妳　不是因為妳的美而已我越來越愛妳　每個眼神觸動我的心因為妳讓我看見FOREVER　才了解自己未來這些日子　要好好珍惜愛我　有些痛苦　有些不公平如果真的愛我　不是理所當然的決定感到妳的呼吸在我耳邊　像微風神奇溫柔的安撫　我的不安定所以我要　每天研究妳的笑容嗚　多麼自然＊FOREVER LOVE, FOREVER LOVE 我只想用我這一輩子去愛妳從今以後　妳會是所有　幸福的理由愛情　是場最美最遠的旅行沿途雨季泥濘　偶爾阻礙我們的前進感到妳的體溫在我懷裡　像陽光和絢巧妙的融化　我的不安定不可思議　證明我愛妳的理由嗚　多麼自然重唱　＊妳感動的眼睛　我沉默的聲音彷彿就是最好的證明就讓我再說一次　I LOVE YOU 哦　直到永遠重唱　＊ FOREVER LOVE (x3)

my first time...

2005-08-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

thanks guys...thanks to u guys for accompanying mi throughout my darken days...2 weeks of sad and desolated days have passed..i am all ready to start all over again...i wont be going into a relationsahip in the near future...probably for about one year,to allow me to recuperate....what pass have been pass...now my aim is to finish those stuff i left it undone...i got lots of aims and ambition...probably this is the time for mi to finish it one by one...now my life is like a piece of glass shattered on the floor and i am going to pick it up and assemble it piece by piece...this would be difficult but i am going to do it...i will not leave it lying on the floor shattered...i wish to tell her that i am taking another route and i wont be behind following her...maybe we will meet at some junction,maybe we will not....but whatever happens...i wish her all the best...

story that reflects mi!!!

2005-08-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

i recently heard another short story that best describe mi and my failed relationship...the story is about a man who ride his horse to a beach...once he was there,he went swimming and went he came up from the sea,he found his horse was gone...then came his friends who came over to console him...but instead of appreciating their kindness,the guy started blamming them and even take his fustration on his friends...his friends was angry and later ignore him...their friendship was gone...forever...juz because the guy,in the fit of anger,blame and scolded his friends....the moral behind this story is be kind ot ur friend or love ones...never take out ur anger or fustration on them...if not ,u will not only be hurting urself, but also those around u...

i finally realised how important this story meant to mi...it has taught mi a not of things...also it had made mi understood y my previous relationship failed,...i finally realised...but it too later...once gone never regain...

to matilda

2005-07-31T17:30:00.000-07:00

hiz matilda,i may not have the courage to say this in front of you,therefore i decided to post what i intended to tell u...i usually listen to the radio when i am free...and recently i listen a short quote that wakes mi up...the quote say s"love someone is to give her happiness,therefore i decided to let u go"....within the short quote, i finally realised maybe that god has gave mi that quote....hinting mi to let u go...i decided to do that since the day u rejected mi again...it alright ...i wish u all the best...take care...

i juz miss u!!!

2005-07-29T02:36:00.000-07:00

just heard a freaking sad story...maybe this story is refering to mi...lol...this story is about a guy name ji wong and a girl call mira...hmmm...this story is when a guy and a gal falls in love with each other...they have been together for about one year and one day the gal suddenly says,y dun we break up now and if we are really fated,we will meet in some corner of the world one day.The boy also believe something call FATE as what the gal believe.So they went seperated and continue with their own lives.As time goes by,their love towards each other doesn't seems to fade.And suprisingly, they did met each other in a corner of the world.But they day they met is also the day they meet with a accident. After the accident, both of them could not remember anything about their past and never acknowledge each other ever.

all i wan to say is cherish what u have now and think before u do anything guy...dun act hastily...like those in my blog or u regret...like mi....

defination of love..

2005-07-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

so wat the defination of love???
Below is a few quotes for u guys...dun let it slip away like mi be4 u realise its too late

1.Why do people have to lose things to find out what they really mean?
2. I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day
3.A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone’s face.

Below is some feelings i have

1.I had a heart and it was true. It fled from me and went to you. Be kind to it as I have done, for you have two and I have none.
2.It hurts to see you walk away. For admit it or not, you were an important part of my life and the time we shared will forever be a part of me. So even though I realize that it was never meant to be, still, it hurts.
3.You have been the treasure in my hand. You have been the one who always stood beside me. So unaware, I foolishly believed that you would always be there. But then there will come a day, when I will turn my head and you will slip away.
4.I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.
5.You said you didn’t need me in your life. I guess you were right.
6.Loving is so short and forgetting so long.
7.No, I can’t erase the wrong I’ve done but I hope you can give me another chance. Because if you were me, you would want the same and I’d give that chance to you.
8.Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart.

what is love??

2005-07-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

can anyone tell mi...wat actually is love...she told mi that she dun love mi anymore...11 mths of our love is gone...in seven days...ahahaz..i dunno whether to believe that a not??dunno la...for now i am so troubled with so many of my things...somemore she told mi this when i need her most...now should i spent time on her or my things??tell mi god..i really dunno...maybe this is life....when u are down...everything dun turn out well for u...now...i have taken the saft route...n that is to stay single..although my route will not bring mi much happiness but it wont bring mi much sadness too...but i juz wish to tell her..i juz wait...be waiting for her...

tep

2005-06-28T02:30:00.000-07:00

wa liao...very sian during tep man...dunno wat is tep for...to mi it a waste of time...dun u think so??ahhaaz..nowadays so busy...everynight also got thing to do...so much till i feel like dying...ahahaz...everyday is a headache for mi...but i still got to smile and say it ok...